"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
