Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
