i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
