she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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