Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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