you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize