I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
