The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
