saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
