I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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