I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
