I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
