I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
