Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
