I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As shirtless as possible
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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