I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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