there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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