you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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