I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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