i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
