I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
