My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
