Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
