you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
