My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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