We won't sleep together?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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