i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
