I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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