the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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