Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Randomize
