it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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