I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
