I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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