remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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