I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize