So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
