Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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