tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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