I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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