Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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