What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize