Just fell off a train. Bad.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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