I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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