so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
