So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What a dumb baby whore.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
