how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just had sex bonerless
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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