Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
