Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize