I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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