fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
