What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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