I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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