What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
