Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
