i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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