if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
