Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
