She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We're facebook friends in real life
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
