tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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