i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
