I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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