So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
