So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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