you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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