Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
