a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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