So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
