I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
