Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize