Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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