i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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